I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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