Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
