i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
