Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
farters have to be the big spoon...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
