My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
