I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
