I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
