If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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