maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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