have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
