If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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