i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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