if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize