Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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