all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
