I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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