On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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