how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
