professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
