I heard we made out
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
