She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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