If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
