I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
