the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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