my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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