don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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