She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
