im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
