John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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