it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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