wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
