Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks