He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
