I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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