I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
She said her name was "party"
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
