what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
