Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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