You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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