If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
