I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
