So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
