Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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