I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
