I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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