I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
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I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
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This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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