Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Randomize
