hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
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we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
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She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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