You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
