Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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