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I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
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