The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.