he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.