I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳