OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
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You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
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I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point