and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
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I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
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Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog