I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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