just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
