I hate your face
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
