the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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