you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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