I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
