i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
