did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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