I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
