He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
