Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
everyone is single if you try hard enough
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
