you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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